2009 FoxBrook Shiraz, CA $5.99

I had every intention of liking this wine. Then I realized I was trying too hard to like it. It’s got no soul, it is booooring, it tastes cheap, it’s like fermented grape consommé. I wouldn’t even make sangria with it because a bad wine at the very least has bite, anger, offensiveness that needs to be tamed by sugar and Sprite and everything citrus. Not here, this wine needs to live quietly on the shelf at a desolate highway rest stop where it will pleasantly sit and gather dust next to the canned soup and stale crackers until a toddler wobbles by and topples it, shattering the glass leaving the entrails all over the floor for some unsuspecting young mother,well, very young looking for her years mother, who is also very charming and apologetic as she and l’enfant terrible ditch the scene – putting the unfortunate incident and a soiled nappy in the loo behind them. The station attendant will scorn this encounter until the end of his shift. At this point, you would expect me to end this dramatization with a dour employee initiating a clean-up, but honestly, I couldn’t even recommend this wine for a thirsty mop.

Stay curious!