Sorry Shiraz, You’re Not On The List…

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2009 FoxBrook Shiraz, CA $5.99

I had every intention of liking this wine. Then I realized I was trying too hard to like it. It’s got no soul, it is booooring, it tastes cheap, it’s like fermented grape consommé. I wouldn’t even make sangria with it because a bad wine at the very least has bite, anger, offensiveness that needs to be tamed by sugar and Sprite and everything citrus. Not here, this wine needs to live quietly on the shelf at a desolate highway rest stop where it will pleasantly sit and gather dust next to the canned soup and stale crackers until a toddler wobbles by and topples it, shattering the glass leaving the entrails all over the floor for some unsuspecting young mother,well, very young looking for her years mother, who is also very charming and apologetic as she and l’enfant terrible ditch the scene – putting the unfortunate incident and a soiled nappy in the loo behind them. The station attendant will scorn this encounter until the end of his shift. At this point, you would expect me to end this dramatization with a dour employee initiating a clean-up, but honestly, I couldn’t even recommend this wine for a thirsty mop.

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Not the grapes that went into this wine, but a dramatization of how those grapes may have been feeling prior to going into the consommé.

Stay curious!

loie

Wine Fear Factor Friday! Chocolate Shop, Chocolate Lover’s Wine $8.99

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Chocolate Shop – No Vintage Chocolate Lover’s Wine
Caldwell, Idaho
Ok, this is my first edition of “Cheap Wine Fear Factor.” I welcome those brave enough to take a taste of the scariest of wine offerings. Don’t be shy. These wines end up on the shelf for some reason, and someone somewhere must buy them, either regretfully, with a palate disability or verging on being institutionalized. Let’s do the world a favor and protect the innocent from imbibing in wines that can hurt. We are tough enough, smart enough and crazy enough to save the world from drinking bad wine. Are you with me? Ok, I may be the Mother Teresa of cheap wine, but let’s help the lepers and start tasting. Hail to the spit bucket!
The Bouquet is undeniably chocolate, overwhelmingly so. I’m white knuckling it with my friends, one being a well regarded Sonoma chef. When he saw this walk thru his front door, I saw his face freeze and before I could explain myself, I feared being black listed from the cullinary inside for life. After an ample preamble, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah – I had some reluctant but good humored recruits for the tasting.
First taste was a surprise – red wine forward with a huge chocolate finish. One guest expressed that it was deceiving as you expect it to be brown and syrupy but it’s actually a solid red wine first with a weirdly sweet chocolate aftertaste – ewwwww! Looking at the color, it looks like a Cab with an outer ring of brown. If paired, the sweetness needs a good savory counter – like a pretzel – so says the chef, but his kindness in that comment was countered with “in a cold day in hell” from the other guests. Overall, blech. Just have a nice red with a piece of dark chocolate and save your $8.99. Sorry – we tried it. By the way Chicolate Shop – no ingredients listed – how’d you do it????
Stay brave, stay curious,
loie

WINE FEAR FACTOR FRIDAY!

Be afraid, very afraid…
I welcome those brave enough to take a taste of the scariest of wine offerings. Don’t be shy. These wines end up on the shelf for some reason, and someone somewhere must buy them, either regretfully, with a palate disability or verging on being institutionalized. Let’s do the world a favor and protect the innocent from imbibing in wines that can hurt. We are tough enough, smart enough and crazy enough to save the world from drinking bad wine. Are you with me? Ok, I may be the Mother Teresa of cheap wine, but let’s help the lepers and start tasting.
Hail to the spit bucket!
loie