Voila! Has been a while, but I am happy to present my entry into the #MWWC17. At this very moment, my husband is pleading for me to feed the family before they all perish, therefore, I must commence with my entry inspired by the theme “epiphany” selected by last month’s winner The Wine Raconteur. Amusez-vous bien!
A traditional mother’s day usually consists of breakfast in bed prepared lovingly by the father of someone’s children with handmade cards awkwardly assembled with the love and charm of a small child. Maybe there is a thoughtful gift; a fragrant soap, cookbooks, hand embroidered aprons and personalized wooden spoons. The fancier moms may receive a gift certificate to a spa or potpourri. Thereafter, you may head out with the kiddies to a brunch, a garden party, a luncheon at the club or a dinner with the in-laws.
My epiphany was realized when I came to the conclusion those were the Mother’s Days of yore. The last vestige of tradition on my Mother’s Day was popping a cork and daintily sipping Champagne while idly chatting about fruit tree blight and aphid infestation with the landed gentry. Unbeknownst in the parlour, the harsh reality of high technology would soon crush all cultural norms of this familial holiday.
In the future, moms won’t request charm bracelets and bubble bath. They will require more technologically superior gifts, and I’m not suggesting the latest egg timer or smart phone. I’m not even alluding to a robotic vacuum. We are talking drones. Ones that fly above the earth hovering like Black Hawk helicopter chicks.
My not-that-much-younger sister, a bonafide mother, received a drone as her Mother’s Day gift. I’m a bit more traditional, I begged for a set of late 19th c. Baccarat crystal flutes I found on ebay, but I guess I’m an old fogey.
Summoned by the children to come outside and see “something,” I reluctantly left the side of my ice bucket to witness the spectacle. All heads hinged upwards to the sky. Hovering 30 feet above was a four legged mechanism encased in white with unidentifiable protrusions. Lights were flickering and it reminded me of a sinister toy Millennium Falcon made by Kennar. As it traversed up and down I noticed that the little devil was filming us on my brother-in-law’s iPhone. Cheeky bastard.
My mind was swirling with who, what, why? My younger sister informed me tersely that this ‘droid’ was her cherished mother’s day gift. Well, excuse me for using a rotary phone. Plah-eeze!
At the risk of being crass, I asked my sister how much was “the drone” and did she use the ToysRUs coupon I generously gave her last Mother’s day? Once informed, I was astounded that it cost more than a bottle of 2012 Screaming Eagle Cab and “No,” she did not use my generous coupon.
Then things got a bit silly. Being a bit of a joker, my brother-in-lawsuit started acting murderously irresponsible. With the controls in his hands, the drone became erratic and started chasing people around. FYI: I was carrying a glass of my favorite Champagne from Trader Joe’s. Things were going to get real if one drop of that nectar missed my lips. So I started inching further and further away towards safety. Well, never turn your back and run from a vicious animal or an inlaw with past grudges and transgressions. Chase ensued.
Good news, all this domestic mayhem was caught on video by the drone! Therefore, in the event of my peril or maiming, the footage would be readily available to the authorities for the purpose of criminal prosecution or civil litigation. I wasn’t really thinking about this in the moment as I was running for my life.
Of course I starred as myself in the made for online movie. Please enjoy a laugh at my expense and watch this original content brought to you by the Cheap Wine Curious Channel:
Well, me and the children survived and better yet, so did the Champagne. All fun and games aside, drones are not toys and can be very dangerous when in the hands of irresponsible beer drinking uncles at family gatherings. My final epiphany? I nearly starred in a snuff film. Don’t let this happen to you.